well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
