I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
