I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
