We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
