yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
