I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
