I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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