I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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