So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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