I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize