haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
