I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
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