Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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