How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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