no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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