The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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