I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
