Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
