just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize