So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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