i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
