i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
