it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
