And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
