just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize