saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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