i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
