kristin has been a bad kristin
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
