Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
