And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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