I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize