i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
