i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
