just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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