woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
