Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
