I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize