sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
