TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
