I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I think my moral compass just broke
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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