your parents love me but you hate me
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize