one two three fourrrrnication!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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