They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
