I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
