I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
