I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
