oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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