I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
