I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
