thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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