I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
