i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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