My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
