Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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