At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Why is your signature on my underwear?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
