I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
