I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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