Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
