Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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