She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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