my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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