K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
