absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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