I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
