i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
