Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i need an iv and a liver transplant
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize