Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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