So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
