Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
