I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
