My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
