Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
