he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
