Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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