I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
