i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
