I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The uberlube is also flammable
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
