so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
