you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
