Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
