DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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