I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
