it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
