12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's official drugs can't kill me
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
