your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The uberlube is also flammable
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
