Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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